First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I deserve this hangover.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
