Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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