Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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