Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
