well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
