I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
