My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Use "feeling words"
Yay
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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