I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
