I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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