Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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