Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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