dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
