At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
