i always forget guys have bellybuttons
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
