you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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