He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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