Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
