SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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