i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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