Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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