Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
