Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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