He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
