If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
