I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
And then he peed in my hair
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