I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
