On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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