mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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