I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
