The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
