Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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