I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
