I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize