She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
