Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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