The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
