you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize