there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
