Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
