Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
