its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
