i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
