please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
