Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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