you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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