She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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