I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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