it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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