I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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