Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
