I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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