i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
