its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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