Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
