I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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