Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize