i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
