Its about making memories worth repressing
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
