i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize