Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
