The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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