There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
