It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
