Only a mothe r could love this liver
We named our party play list daddy issues
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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