It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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