If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
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