Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
