It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
