she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
