if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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