Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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