I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
