I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
