I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
