Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
