Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
