I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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