Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize