Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Im part way to drunk.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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