literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
