I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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