I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
