Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
