Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
