Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
