Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
